Thursday, July 2, 2009

7 Years


ROZAHAIREEN BTE HARON

Although I have ALWAYS loved you with my heart and soul, I made you feel that EVERYTHING was more important to me than you. It never was the case, but that is how I made you feel and for that I am sorry. I did not realize how much it meant to you for me to be there for you and to make you feel loved. The hand holding, the hugs, public affection, letting you know how beautiful and appreciated you are, to name a few. I now see the things that I was lacking in. I just didn’t understand how important that was to us. I now know.

I have made mistakes in the past that hurt you and that cannot be changed. What I have been able to do is recognize those errors in judgment and have learned from them so that I can take steps to ensure that they will not occur again. I was selfishly caught up in myself and I regret that we find ourselves in the situation we are now in. I never imagined this would happen to us.

I'm aware that my behavior in the past contributed in part to your unhappiness and the emotional estrangement between us. I have worked very hard now to overcome that behavior, not only for you, but for me and for our parents as well. I wanted to be a better husband, a better father, but most importantly a better person. People can change if they're willing to take a long, hard look in the mirror and hold themselves accountable for who they are. I did that and I'm trying to be proud of the person I am becoming and will always strive to be better.

I still believe we can have a happy, loving, fulfilling marriage. I believe we can learn from our mistakes, grow from them and with effort and desire we can begin to slowly rebuild the love that was the foundation of our relationship and start to become a family again, for our sake. Think of how happy our family would be if we can resolve this matter maturely. I believe we can have a marriage based on trust and honesty where we both feel safe sharing our innermost thoughts, feelings, fears and dreams. I'm not naive, I know there's been a lot of damage done. We would need the help of a counselor to guide us in learning better ways to communicate, meet each other's emotional needs and begin to rekindle the spark of emotional intimacy between us. It won't be easy, but it can be done.

I've suffered tremendous pain from seeing our marriage falling apart, but I never stopped loving you and I never forgot what a wonderful person you are and how much joy you brought my family and me. That gave me the strength and hope to go on.
But the pain has became too much to bear and I cannot continue to live the way we are, so I had no choice but to separate for my own emotional well being. This wasn't an easy thing for me to do, but it was a necessary step. This is not to punish you, it is to protect my feelings for you, and protect any kinda of relationship we can have, if we continue as we are now, there would be nothing left.

I do not want this break up. I want to be your husband, in every sense of the word. I want to hold you, talk with you, laugh and cry with you, comfort you, share the joy of raising a family with you. I want to grow old with you. As much as I want this, you have made it clear that you don't, and as long as you feel this way, I cannot be a part of your life, it is simply too painful.

I love you Ereen. You will always be very special to me. You are the only person I have allowed myself to love so deeply. I loved you more than life itself while we were together and I continue to do so as I write this. I look back through our life and I choose now to only remember the good times and learn from the bad. I forgive whatever pain you have caused and hope that in time you will forgive me too. I just cannot be with you or see you while you still may be involved with another guy and feel the need to have a separate life without me.

If down the road, you have a change of heart and decide you want to give our relationship a chance, I am open to discussing it with you and working out a plan to restore our relationship and make it what we only dreamed it could be, but I will need to know you are committed to our relationship. I still love you, and as I said before, I believe in our relationship and I am willing to do whatever is necessary.

All my love,
p:al:i:c:o:m:b:a:t

1 comments:

Muhd. Akmal said...

im sorry for your loss,keep the faith brotha.

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